he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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