How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
