I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
