I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
