My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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