last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
