You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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