I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
