I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize