so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
