This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
