It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
