yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
