i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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