i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
