tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
should my penis look like a turkey
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
