I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary