went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok