just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
