so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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