She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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