Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
