dude i'm inner monologue high
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
