i don't plan on having that self control this summer
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
