She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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