tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
