and she was petting her beer can
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love having hate sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
