Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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