Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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