thus making me awesome and them whores
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
