I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
