I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
