I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I love you.
Bad choice
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
