Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
