Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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