I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
