Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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