I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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