paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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