Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
