Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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