If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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