tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
