We won't sleep together?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
