thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
