a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
