turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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