I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
