$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize