Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
