Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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