im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
