I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
