every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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