Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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