At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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