I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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