I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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