Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
