smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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