i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
